Life was hard today 

As evidenced by the residual tears on my pillow and the fact that I am Google searching things Ernest Hemingway said while I lay in bed, today was a rough one. I woke up feeling lonely with a headache that would respond just enough to medication to be tolerable but not enough to let you […]

Like a yo-yo

Sometimes I feel ok. Those times I think, alright if it is spinal fluid seeping out of your nose all day long, you’ll figure it out. Sometimes I feel sick, physically and that makes me sad and that’s not great but I medicate, literally, and then I feel ok. But mostly I feel sad. I […]

Imagine

My thoughts are meandering, so bear that in mind, this post discreetly calls upon so much of what happens in my days without detail or justice to any one moment. It is often those things that we imagine that get us through those things that we are actually facing. For example when I have a […]

Snow

I’ve never been that great at being alone. I mean, I live alone and truly I thrive in certain ways, but I’ve never been great at those times where I have extended periods to strategize and coordinate for myself. It’s why writing a dissertation, when I really get down to it, will be a rough […]

How are you feeling?

I used to look in the mirror before I got in the shower, looking in quiet observation of the curves of my body. I would marvel at the strength I had put into the contours of the muscles. Strength that took time to build, strength that helped my internal self push harder and longer. I […]

What happened

While social media tends to fill in the gaps of the big moments of our lives a few people have asked what happened so I figured I could write it down here for you. Here’s what happened: I woke up January 8th with a tinge of nausea and a not quite rested head. I washed […]

The Whole Damn Thing

I’ve been in a foul mood. I’ll admit that. Until now I’ve been unwilling to admit why. I act like it’s because I am an unwitting victim of a brain tumor and that the universe is out to get me. I don’t really believe that, and that’s not really why, and I really figured that […]

I die on the table

I am not sure how often people of any age are forced to confront their mortality head on. Perhaps many people go through their entire lives never having to face the fact that until they die, they might die at any given moment. Many people have a vague awareness of it, but barring some catastrophic […]

The hair is the curtain of the skull

It was July, I was volunteering at my favorite youth leadership camp and feeling like, for the first week in a long time, I was comfortable in my own skin. The disconnection from my own personal reality and the immersion into the world of teenage leadership and empowerment was fulfilling and freeing. I had just […]

And there the grass grows soft and white, and there the sun burns crimson bright

When I was in high school for a time I did speech and debate. It’s not what you’re thinking, I wasn’t there to sharpen my argument tactics and skills, I was there to let a part of me out that had a hard time existing in the confines of an upper class high school. I […]