The confusing loneliness of the tediousness of illness
Today I get to hear the news I already know, a brain surgery sits on the horizon.
Category Archives: surgery
Love is a Verb
I may be sick, I may have pain, but I get to live in my life, however complicated that life may be. I get to do, I get to act, I get to love.
I’m goddamn f&%king miserable
I guess life is about expectations. If you set yourself up for success or failure by believing a certain outcome is imminent, if it doesn’t turn out how you anticipated you end up, well – disappointed. That’s why hope is such a dangerous thing. A beautiful thing, but a dangerous thing. Usually when you start […]
It’s happening
I woke up this morning with a pit in my stomach. It could have been the chicken pot pie I ate late last night but it felt more like that pit you get in your stomach before you have to do something big. Whether you are doing something good or bad, your body seems to […]
Withstand
It hurt. I woke up, throbbing, beating, pounding. “Is it my heart?” I wondered to myself as fatigue took over my limbs. “It’s in my head, I can feel my heartbeat in my head. Wait, no, can I?” I suddenly remembered where I was, who I am. “Ah fudge,” I thought to myself, “it’s all […]
That day
I hadn’t been able to talk about it much in the first two weeks after it happened, that fifth surgery. At least not without doing so flippantly, not with most people. I felt immediately better when it was over, the anesthesia was gentle, the doctors adept, the process straightforward, but I didn’t talk much about […]
The Whole Damn Thing
I’ve been in a foul mood. I’ll admit that. Until now I’ve been unwilling to admit why. I act like it’s because I am an unwitting victim of a brain tumor and that the universe is out to get me. I don’t really believe that, and that’s not really why, and I really figured that […]
I die on the table
I am not sure how often people of any age are forced to confront their mortality head on. Perhaps many people go through their entire lives never having to face the fact that until they die, they might die at any given moment. Many people have a vague awareness of it, but barring some catastrophic […]
Leaky Faucet
My headaches increased in severity around mid March. Given that that was about the beginning of the implosion of my personal life, aside from a few calls to the doctors on call and visits to health forums online I chalked it up to stress. The headaches were substantially less frightening with Jason at the ready […]
Jump, breathe, jump
I decided I needed to reclaim my life. I decided I needed to take control of things. As I have always believed that a strong body leads to a strong mind I set out to relieve my body of it’s weakness and hoped my mind would follow suit. So I went to a gym, CrossFit […]
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