I don’t like to be redundant, so I won’t describe my pain again. But, I don’t know if it is too redundant to say that I am in it, pain, that is. I spent the last 40 minutes wailing like a baby and fumbling with drug bottles. You see, I had a rough night, I […]
Since my last post many of you have reached out to me with you empathy, friendship and solidarity. I am so grateful. I am also lost for words. I don’t know how to explain what is happening, the seriousness or lack of seriousness, so I have stayed silent. I don’t know how to say thank […]
I wake up and I can feel the familiar drip down my throat. I remember this, I remember it from January, it feels the same just not as rapid. I swallow and decide to follow doctor’s orders. It’s nothing, you’re fine. I get up and trudge to the door to take the dogs out. I […]
They say if you love someone let them go. I don’t know who they are, but they don’t tell you that if you let go of someone you love, or they let you go that it hurts like a stupid son-of-a-bitch. That’s what they don’t tell you. They also don’t tell you that they are assholes […]
I have a routine for bed time. I am not by nature an organized or regimented person, I don’t go to bed each night at the same time or wake up each morning with the sun. Each night and each morning are a careful balancing act of desires, expectations, and capabilities. Being “in-recovery” or “sick” […]
I recently thought I had made progress on the emotional side of healing. The physical side, well that was a mess, and my CSF just can’t seem to want to stay in my body so we do what we can do. And I secretly hope that Herbert hasn’t grown and I hope and hope that […]
Sometimes I feel ok. Those times I think, alright if it is spinal fluid seeping out of your nose all day long, you’ll figure it out. Sometimes I feel sick, physically and that makes me sad and that’s not great but I medicate, literally, and then I feel ok. But mostly I feel sad. I […]
For a while I was writing every day, exploring the inner most avenues of my heart as I navigated a path towards healing (whatever that means). It was something that kept me going, to write it down was to begin to deal with the ongoing ordeal of living with Herbert, or Flo, or really, any […]
My thoughts are meandering, so bear that in mind, this post discreetly calls upon so much of what happens in my days without detail or justice to any one moment. It is often those things that we imagine that get us through those things that we are actually facing. For example when I have a […]
Today is officially the worst day ever. You were thinking the same thing?! I know, right? It’s the first Monday after the manipulative time gods in the government decided to jack up my already f-ed sleep schedule for whatever reason. And yes, I feel personally targeted and yes, I am personally annoyed. No, you’re being […]
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