Im so goddamn tired of being tired. I’m so frustrated with “healing” or what no one in the medical profession let’s you know feels like stagnation alongside a quiet resignation of a new reality for yourself. A sad reality,where everyone worries but no one knows what to do, including me. It’s interesting to realize how […]
I was doing great. I was upbeat, I was present, I think you could even have called me peppy for a bit. I was unphased by my 10th brain surgery (11th surgery overall). I was singing Jason Mraz’s “Everything is Sound,” and taking the uncertain and unwritten future as a reason to stay firmly in […]
The night before my official diagnosis with an acoustic neuroma I had an idea of what I had based on my sister (a doctor) and I’s amateur analysis of the MRI over the phone. She graciously told me what I had and told me not to worry and wait for the doctor to advise. I […]
As I go into my 9th surgery, I can only believe in one thing….I don’t have faith in many things but here’s one thing I so firmly believe in — love.
I shouldn’t be sitting here writing this right now. I should not be sitting here ruminating on what is to come. I should be trudging away on final papers, grading and that dreaded dissertation. I shouldn’t be sitting here looking at the calendar and counting down the days to my next surgery. There’s ten by […]
Sometimes we remember, and sometimes we imagine, and sometimes those two things don’t feel that far apart. T-minus one month until brain surgery….
It was just one week ago I found myself numb in the car, unsure how to scrape my way out of my latest predicament. By Wednesday my perspective had changed and by Friday I felt like an entirely different person. Not healed, not new, just different. You see last weekend I embraced the moment of […]
Since my last post many of you have reached out to me with you empathy, friendship and solidarity. I am so grateful. I am also lost for words. I don’t know how to explain what is happening, the seriousness or lack of seriousness, so I have stayed silent. I don’t know how to say thank […]
They say if you love someone let them go. I don’t know who they are, but they don’t tell you that if you let go of someone you love, or they let you go that it hurts like a stupid son-of-a-bitch. That’s what they don’t tell you. They also don’t tell you that they are assholes […]
I guess life is about expectations. If you set yourself up for success or failure by believing a certain outcome is imminent, if it doesn’t turn out how you anticipated you end up, well – disappointed. That’s why hope is such a dangerous thing. A beautiful thing, but a dangerous thing. Usually when you start […]