Im so goddamn tired of being tired. I’m so frustrated with “healing” or what no one in the medical profession let’s you know feels like stagnation alongside a quiet resignation of a new reality for yourself. A sad reality,where everyone worries but no one knows what to do, including me. It’s interesting to realize how […]
I was doing great. I was upbeat, I was present, I think you could even have called me peppy for a bit. I was unphased by my 10th brain surgery (11th surgery overall). I was singing Jason Mraz’s “Everything is Sound,” and taking the uncertain and unwritten future as a reason to stay firmly in […]
Today I get to hear the news I already know, a brain surgery sits on the horizon.
The night before my official diagnosis with an acoustic neuroma I had an idea of what I had based on my sister (a doctor) and I’s amateur analysis of the MRI over the phone. She graciously told me what I had and told me not to worry and wait for the doctor to advise. I […]
Many, many people showed up for me during my recent surgery, through messages, sharing joy, holding my hand, or sending love in various ways. Before I answer any nagging questions that tear at your gut or mine, I feel compelled to say thank you. From the very depths of my heart, so many have done […]
I shouldn’t be sitting here writing this right now. I should not be sitting here ruminating on what is to come. I should be trudging away on final papers, grading and that dreaded dissertation. I shouldn’t be sitting here looking at the calendar and counting down the days to my next surgery. There’s ten by […]
I may be sick, I may have pain, but I get to live in my life, however complicated that life may be. I get to do, I get to act, I get to love.
It was just one week ago I found myself numb in the car, unsure how to scrape my way out of my latest predicament. By Wednesday my perspective had changed and by Friday I felt like an entirely different person. Not healed, not new, just different. You see last weekend I embraced the moment of […]
I try not to post when my posts will certainly be shrouded in negativity. I try to stay silent and stomach the worst of it on my own. I try not to burden others with the incessant failures and fissures in my life. I try to avoid the constant bad news. I do find myself […]
For the last hour I have endured severe pain. It is what I would describe to doctors as a ten out of ten. It makes me naseous and steals my spirit. It’s the saddest face on what I term the “happy face scale” that nurses give you when you’re laid up in the hospital. I […]