What’ll I do

There’s an episode of This American Life that features David Rakoff just before he died (here’s a link).  It was a live, theatrical version of the radio show in which the witty author, in his trademark biting tongue and powerful vocabulary, hilariously explained how he got by doing basic tasks after cancer took the use of […]

Withstand

It hurt. I woke up, throbbing, beating, pounding. “Is it my heart?” I wondered to myself as fatigue took over my limbs. “It’s in my head, I can feel my heartbeat in my head. Wait, no, can I?” I suddenly remembered where I was, who I am. “Ah fudge,” I thought to myself, “it’s all […]

Live like you are living

There’s a phrase I have a conflicted relationship with. There’s songs about it, memes about it, stories about it, all with one motto: “Live like you were dying.” It’s some kind of an attempt to get us to live in the present, to conquer fear, to jump off that cliff we’ve never known we’ve always […]

Snow

I’ve never been that great at being alone. I mean, I live alone and truly I thrive in certain ways, but I’ve never been great at those times where I have extended periods to strategize and coordinate for myself. It’s why writing a dissertation, when I really get down to it, will be a rough […]

How are you feeling?

I used to look in the mirror before I got in the shower, looking in quiet observation of the curves of my body. I would marvel at the strength I had put into the contours of the muscles. Strength that took time to build, strength that helped my internal self push harder and longer. I […]

What happened

While social media tends to fill in the gaps of the big moments of our lives a few people have asked what happened so I figured I could write it down here for you. Here’s what happened: I woke up January 8th with a tinge of nausea and a not quite rested head. I washed […]

The Whole Damn Thing

I’ve been in a foul mood. I’ll admit that. Until now I’ve been unwilling to admit why. I act like it’s because I am an unwitting victim of a brain tumor and that the universe is out to get me. I don’t really believe that, and that’s not really why, and I really figured that […]

I die on the table

I am not sure how often people of any age are forced to confront their mortality head on. Perhaps many people go through their entire lives never having to face the fact that until they die, they might die at any given moment. Many people have a vague awareness of it, but barring some catastrophic […]

The hair is the curtain of the skull

It was July, I was volunteering at my favorite youth leadership camp and feeling like, for the first week in a long time, I was comfortable in my own skin. The disconnection from my own personal reality and the immersion into the world of teenage leadership and empowerment was fulfilling and freeing. I had just […]