It was my first morning home from the hospital that I noticed it. A barely there drop of spinal fluid that shot out as I exhaled and sat up. “Aw crap” I thought to myself as I rummaged through the bag of undies and post-surgical instructions I had brought back from the hospital with me. […]
There’s an episode of This American Life that features David Rakoff just before he died (here’s a link). It was a live, theatrical version of the radio show in which the witty author, in his trademark biting tongue and powerful vocabulary, hilariously explained how he got by doing basic tasks after cancer took the use of […]
It hurt. I woke up, throbbing, beating, pounding. “Is it my heart?” I wondered to myself as fatigue took over my limbs. “It’s in my head, I can feel my heartbeat in my head. Wait, no, can I?” I suddenly remembered where I was, who I am. “Ah fudge,” I thought to myself, “it’s all […]
There’s a phrase I have a conflicted relationship with. There’s songs about it, memes about it, stories about it, all with one motto: “Live like you were dying.” It’s some kind of an attempt to get us to live in the present, to conquer fear, to jump off that cliff we’ve never known we’ve always […]
While social media tends to fill in the gaps of the big moments of our lives a few people have asked what happened so I figured I could write it down here for you. Here’s what happened: I woke up January 8th with a tinge of nausea and a not quite rested head. I washed […]
I haven’t written anything here in so long. I haven’t felt the need or desire to explain myself, make myself available to scrutiny, to expose myself so that others may weigh in, tell me what to do or how to be. It’s not that I don’t like or appreciate the advice, help and support, it’s […]
I haven’t known what to say here since my comprehensive exams ended. I made it through the written portion and I defend this monster on Wednesday, so I guess I’ve been preoccupied. Plus I’m getting married and while I am less concerned with the wedding than the marriage I see this as a day where […]
There’s a certain rhythm to chronic pain. It vacillates in a certain way. A moment of relief. A rush of intensity. The booming of the throbbing. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. It fits with the ringing in my ears that comes in and out, gets louder and quieter depending on my surroundings. Swish, ring, swish, ring, […]
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