Like a yo-yo

Sometimes I feel ok. Those times I think, alright if it is spinal fluid seeping out of your nose all day long, you’ll figure it out. Sometimes I feel sick, physically and that makes me sad and that’s not great but I medicate, literally, and then I feel ok. But mostly I feel sad. I […]

I’m goddamn f&%king miserable

I guess life is about expectations. If you set yourself up for success or failure by believing a certain outcome is imminent, if it doesn’t turn out how you anticipated you end up, well – disappointed. That’s why hope is such a dangerous thing. A beautiful thing, but a dangerous thing.  Usually when you start […]

Update on a piss poor attitude and a desire to be a bit less haggard than I am

It was my first morning home from the hospital that I noticed it. A barely there drop of spinal fluid that shot out as I exhaled and sat up. “Aw crap” I thought to myself as I rummaged through the bag of undies and post-surgical instructions I had brought back from the hospital with me. […]

What is there to say

For a while I was writing every day, exploring the inner most avenues of my heart as I navigated a path towards healing (whatever that means). It was something that kept me going, to write it down was to begin to deal with the ongoing ordeal of living with Herbert, or Flo, or really, any […]

Imagine

My thoughts are meandering, so bear that in mind, this post discreetly calls upon so much of what happens in my days without detail or justice to any one moment. It is often those things that we imagine that get us through those things that we are actually facing. For example when I have a […]

Snow

I’ve never been that great at being alone. I mean, I live alone and truly I thrive in certain ways, but I’ve never been great at those times where I have extended periods to strategize and coordinate for myself. It’s why writing a dissertation, when I really get down to it, will be a rough […]

How are you feeling?

I used to look in the mirror before I got in the shower, looking in quiet observation of the curves of my body. I would marvel at the strength I had put into the contours of the muscles. Strength that took time to build, strength that helped my internal self push harder and longer. I […]

What happened

While social media tends to fill in the gaps of the big moments of our lives a few people have asked what happened so I figured I could write it down here for you. Here’s what happened: I woke up January 8th with a tinge of nausea and a not quite rested head. I washed […]