I shouldn’t be doing this right now

I shouldn’t be sitting here writing this right now. I should not be sitting here ruminating on what is to come. I should be trudging away on final papers, grading and that dreaded dissertation. I shouldn’t be sitting here looking at the calendar and counting down the days to my next surgery. There’s ten by […]

Happy Pre-anniversary to me!

Sometimes we remember, and sometimes we imagine, and sometimes those two things don’t feel that far apart. T-minus one month until brain surgery….

“Samira eats her words day”

Today was supposed to be the day that the doctors used their most accurate test to prove me wrong. I think it’s called a radio nuclear cisternogram. They were going to put a scary needle in my back, fill me with some kind of magical, radio-active, glow in the dark potion, and track my CSF. […]

Update for updates sake, so you’re not offended by my silence 

Since my last post many of you have reached out to me with you empathy, friendship and solidarity. I am so grateful. I am also lost for words. I don’t know how to explain what is happening, the seriousness or lack of seriousness, so I have stayed silent. I don’t know how to say thank […]

Routine

I have a routine for bed time. I am not by nature an organized or regimented person, I don’t go to bed each night at the same time or wake up each morning with the sun. Each night and each morning are a careful balancing act of desires, expectations, and capabilities. Being “in-recovery” or “sick” […]

Like a yo-yo

Sometimes I feel ok. Those times I think, alright if it is spinal fluid seeping out of your nose all day long, you’ll figure it out. Sometimes I feel sick, physically and that makes me sad and that’s not great but I medicate, literally, and then I feel ok. But mostly I feel sad. I […]

Update on a piss poor attitude and a desire to be a bit less haggard than I am

It was my first morning home from the hospital that I noticed it. A barely there drop of spinal fluid that shot out as I exhaled and sat up. “Aw crap” I thought to myself as I rummaged through the bag of undies and post-surgical instructions I had brought back from the hospital with me. […]