I hadn’t been able to talk about it much in the first two weeks after it happened, that fifth surgery. At least not without doing so flippantly, not with most people. I felt immediately better when it was over, the anesthesia was gentle, the doctors adept, the process straightforward, but I didn’t talk much about […]
I’ve never been that great at being alone. I mean, I live alone and truly I thrive in certain ways, but I’ve never been great at those times where I have extended periods to strategize and coordinate for myself. It’s why writing a dissertation, when I really get down to it, will be a rough […]
I don’t write everyday. Some days it’s hard to know what to say. Some days it’s hard to know what to do other than sit and stare and wait for energy, or motivation, or some kind of return to who I was or who I see myself as. Some days I spend the whole day […]
I used to look in the mirror before I got in the shower, looking in quiet observation of the curves of my body. I would marvel at the strength I had put into the contours of the muscles. Strength that took time to build, strength that helped my internal self push harder and longer. I […]
Recovery is a fickle bitch. Sometimes you are allowed to heal while sometimes you find yourself laid up in complications. Fickle bitch. It’s also lonely. Not in the sense that no one is around you, I mean in the days after surgeries the texts and calls wane so you can have your “peace” or “space” […]
While social media tends to fill in the gaps of the big moments of our lives a few people have asked what happened so I figured I could write it down here for you. Here’s what happened: I woke up January 8th with a tinge of nausea and a not quite rested head. I washed […]
I’ve been in a foul mood. I’ll admit that. Until now I’ve been unwilling to admit why. I act like it’s because I am an unwitting victim of a brain tumor and that the universe is out to get me. I don’t really believe that, and that’s not really why, and I really figured that […]
I am not sure how often people of any age are forced to confront their mortality head on. Perhaps many people go through their entire lives never having to face the fact that until they die, they might die at any given moment. Many people have a vague awareness of it, but barring some catastrophic […]
It was July, I was volunteering at my favorite youth leadership camp and feeling like, for the first week in a long time, I was comfortable in my own skin. The disconnection from my own personal reality and the immersion into the world of teenage leadership and empowerment was fulfilling and freeing. I had just […]
I think people often take stock of how I spend my days and see something lazy or wasteful there. I generally (on a low pain or manageable pain day) wake up, work out, putz around getting ready, go to campus and work as hard as I can, come home and then alternate between periods of […]
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