The night before my official diagnosis with an acoustic neuroma I had an idea of what I had based on my sister (a doctor) and I’s amateur analysis of the MRI over the phone. She graciously told me what I had and told me not to worry and wait for the doctor to advise. I […]
I figured something out about myself. I’ve stayed, in a way, frozen to a version of myself. I used to think I was stuck in a protracted childhood because my tumor caused me to regress, but then I was like, mehhhhhhhh, that sounds like a lot of psychoanalytical pucky. But I knew I was stuck. […]
As I go into my 9th surgery, I can only believe in one thing….I don’t have faith in many things but here’s one thing I so firmly believe in — love.
Many, many people showed up for me during my recent surgery, through messages, sharing joy, holding my hand, or sending love in various ways. Before I answer any nagging questions that tear at your gut or mine, I feel compelled to say thank you. From the very depths of my heart, so many have done […]
I shouldn’t be sitting here writing this right now. I should not be sitting here ruminating on what is to come. I should be trudging away on final papers, grading and that dreaded dissertation. I shouldn’t be sitting here looking at the calendar and counting down the days to my next surgery. There’s ten by […]
Sometimes we remember, and sometimes we imagine, and sometimes those two things don’t feel that far apart. T-minus one month until brain surgery….
I may be sick, I may have pain, but I get to live in my life, however complicated that life may be. I get to do, I get to act, I get to love.
It was just one week ago I found myself numb in the car, unsure how to scrape my way out of my latest predicament. By Wednesday my perspective had changed and by Friday I felt like an entirely different person. Not healed, not new, just different. You see last weekend I embraced the moment of […]
I try not to post when my posts will certainly be shrouded in negativity. I try to stay silent and stomach the worst of it on my own. I try not to burden others with the incessant failures and fissures in my life. I try to avoid the constant bad news. I do find myself […]
I don’t like to be redundant, so I won’t describe my pain again. But, I don’t know if it is too redundant to say that I am in it, pain, that is. I spent the last 40 minutes wailing like a baby and fumbling with drug bottles. You see, I had a rough night, I […]