I haven’t written anything here in so long. I haven’t felt the need or desire to explain myself, make myself available to scrutiny, to expose myself so that others may weigh in, tell me what to do or how to be. It’s not that I don’t like or appreciate the advice, help and support, it’s […]
I had a follow-up MRI on July 2nd. It seemed like the right time to do it since of all the immense and daunting challenges I feel up against right now, Herbert (aka my brain tumor) seems like the least daunting of them all. Plus one doc said every year for a follow up and […]
I never used to like to walk.” Why walk when you could drive?” I thought. Life was about time, efficiency, forward movement. So I drove, because it was faster, you tire less, you get more done. I didn’t realize that you see less on the way. I haven’t been able to be still of late. […]
I like to tell myself that I am not in pain. I like to tell myself that my body didn’t change. I like to pretend that my muscles are as strong as they were. I like to think my body could perform how it did. I like to pretend I am the woman people used […]
It’s been a weird few months to say the least. My health has yo-yoed around almost as much as my personal relationships. So now, as I sit here with the worst vertigo I’ve had in quite some time and on a week that has held great personal stress for me, I thought I’d share what […]
This isn’t thought out, it’s just what’s in me now, a sort of free verse letting go of what I don’t know how to say… Sadness is insidious. It creeps in on you when you think you’ve gotten control of it. It takes hold and won’t let go. I’ve been told happiness is a choice […]
When I was in high school for a time I did speech and debate. It’s not what you’re thinking, I wasn’t there to sharpen my argument tactics and skills, I was there to let a part of me out that had a hard time existing in the confines of an upper class high school. I […]
My dad used to teach me about control through the serenity prayer. He never called it that, but he always told me about it when, as a teenager, I would exclaim about something exasperated by the ways of the world and those I’d mistakenly trusted. Here’s how it goes: And I uploaded it like this […]
I never, in my relief that my exams were over, even shared that I passed. What a momentous moment of life that felt like! I am ABD, one step closer to the holy grail of being a PhD and while it felt like the culmination of so much, the day came and went rather unceremoniously. The […]
It’s funny how when you go through one challenge you think, “if I can just survive this I can survive anything.” And that seems true until the next challenge comes along, catches you off guard and causes you to stumble. It doesn’t seem as severe as previous challenges but seems altogether as difficult. You stumble […]
livingwithherbert 