Fooling yourself

I like to tell myself that I am not in pain. I like to tell myself that my body didn’t change. I like to pretend that my muscles are as strong as they were. I like to think my body could perform how it did. I like to pretend I am the woman people used […]

Control

My dad used to teach me about control through the serenity prayer. He never called it that, but he always told me about it when, as a teenager, I would exclaim about something exasperated by the ways of the world and those I’d mistakenly trusted. Here’s how it goes:  And I uploaded it like this […]

Challenge

It’s funny how when you go through one challenge you think, “if I can just survive this I can survive anything.” And that seems true until the next challenge comes along, catches you off guard and causes you to stumble. It doesn’t seem as severe as previous challenges but seems altogether as difficult. You stumble […]

Tippity, Tappity, Tap, Tap, Tap

There’s a certain rhythm to chronic pain. It vacillates in a certain way. A moment of relief. A rush of intensity. The booming of the throbbing. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. It fits with the ringing in my ears that comes in and out, gets louder and quieter depending on my surroundings. Swish, ring, swish, ring, […]

Insult to injury – there is urine in my bed

Remember when things were just really easy? Like, you didn’t have a care in the world. You floated from one task to another with the ease and grace of a flower in the wind. No? You don’t? Welp, me neither. So let’s move on. So I have brain surgery, big whoop, right? Yes. Yes it […]