It’s a great whirlwind, navigating the medical system, seeing doctor after doctor, attempting to figure out who it is to trust, what voice has real reason, who knows what’s right from wrong. This whirlwind sucks you in, it fools you, masquerades around you, rushes through you bringing a chill to your bones. With every step you learn the previous one may have been a misstep. You circle your decisions like a vulture seeking it’s already dead prey. Maybe if I’d have done this, things would be different, perhaps if I’d have said this, I’d have found out that. The whirlwind spins you around and around until the dizziness causes you to crash and fall.

And there’s no sense in it. So one day you just stop. Maybe it was a mistake to talk to this person, or to believe that doctors promise. Ok, so what?! So you learned, you overcame and pushed past it.

So you let it go. And once you quiet your mind the wind stops blowing you over. It all stops spinning and you stop, breathe, and think.

It may all have been a series of ill advised decisions and perhaps our hindsight could have gleaned us a brighter path, but for now, were here and here, well it’s perfect.

It’s perfect. Our life is all we have and it’s just perfect.

The new year is upon us and on this day as we’re given a moment of hope that glitters at us, imploring us to start anew, be grateful for who you are and what you have. I’m grateful because where I am is perfect in all it’s flaws. Life is truly perfect imperfection.

Thanks for being by my side through all of it. What a beautiful, amazing, staggering, stunning shit show of a year. How truly wonderful that I am here, well enough to say thanks.

Be well, celebrate and love hard this New Years.

With a heart full of love and peace-

Samira