Yesterday was 6 months to the day that I had brain surgery. I spent yesterday afternoon sitting between my parents and one of my closest friends waiting for my turn to be screened. To be screened. To be examined. To be poked. To be prodded. I waited. For an answer. For a resolution. For an […]
I’ve found a trend in my writing about letting go of control, and I suppose I thought that meant being totally fine in the face of whatever shit hit me directly in the face. Taking my face-shit contact with a smile. Ta da! There’s that shining good attitude. What I’m realizing now is the grief, […]
I should be asleep, or more likely doing the work that I carry around with me as I lackadaisically wander around my house. I go from room to room, hoping for some kind of inspiration or motivation. I should be working right now, there are things due tomorrow that I am not even close to […]
When I was recovering in the hospital my boyfriend brought me a sweater, one of his, to hold on to when he couldn’t be there. Recognizing that my family wanted to spend time with me in the hospital and visitor space was limited he bowed out gracefully the first night so that my scared mom […]
Anyone who has kept up with this blog regularly knows that my life is in a perpetual countdown mode. A countdown to surgery, a countdown to recovery, waiting for appointments, counting how many hearing tests, counting how many MRIs, counting stitches, counting inches of the scar, counting hours until my next pain killer dose, counting […]
I was working on a paper last night and I found that quote as I pored through the works of Walter Benjamin, trying to understand memory, love, images, hope. I still don’t understand but I found this quote very powerful. You see this weekend I found myself crumbling under the weight of the unconditional love […]
The toilets in my house are really clean. Like seriously clean. Eat off me, rest your cheek on my seat clean. Disinfected, gloriously shiny and smelling like the janitor just came through clean. Why? because I cleaned them. Because it was mindless. Because it didn’t involve facing anything. I can’t face it. I can’t face […]
You know those perfect romantic comedies. You know the one’s right? The story where two people meet and it’s kismet, instant connection, sharp wit and endless hijinks. The couple is invariably torn apart by a stupid friend, a drunken mistake or a disastrous bout of physical comedy induced accidents. In the end they always find […]
Tomorrow is thanksgiving, and while I cannot give up my harping that it is a holiday based on the sugar-coating of a deep history of violent colonization which has now become an excuse for us to propel ourselves forward into gluttony and greed, I also think it is a valuable opportunity to tell the people […]
livingwithherbert 