I’ve found a trend in my writing about letting go of control, and I suppose I thought that meant being totally fine in the face of whatever shit hit me directly in the face. Taking my face-shit contact with a smile. Ta da! There’s that shining good attitude. What I’m realizing now is the grief, […]
I have been trying to hold on to some kind of a resolve. I’m resolved not to be sad about my tumor. I resolved not to let the tumor run my life, it wouldn’t define me. I was resolved not to ever let my moms chronic back pain get her down. I made her yell, […]
I’m not really sure where to go from where I am at anymore. Everyday I still contend with pain, I still deal with the fact that I cannot hear. The ringing almost never stops. I still go to doctors more than I used to. I still tackle disability and ability. I still fight my body […]
I have had a lot of moments in the last few weeks where people somehow think that because I’m contemplative that I’m sad. I do, like any other human, on occasion get sad. If I didn’t, well that would just be weird. Then I’d be a weirdo, and I am for sure not a weirdo. […]
It’s been 6 weeks since my surgery, 6 weeks from the day that would seal my fate. 6 weeks. 42 days. 1008 hours. And sometimes I even counted down the minutes. Lying there, clutching my head, or the moments, seconds before a sneeze and a laugh, the moment where you can choose to fear, or […]
I haven’t posted in a while and I’ll post a real update later but I figured I’d give the quick and dirty for anyone who’s still listening and interested. Since surgery I have had many ups and downs. On the whole I’d say more ups but in general I am uncomfortable with myself in a […]
My mom has had back pain for a long time. It’s caused by a horrible car accident years ago. Someone’s carelessness caused her pain. I know it hurts her each day, but she gets up, grits her teeth and goes on. You can’t discern that she is in pain, not really. Aside from a tense […]
I’m three weeks out from my surgery. It’s funny, I thought once I had surgery the counting would stop. I was attached to a calendar leading up to surgery, I counted down until the moment I was sitting all alone in that hospital gown in that cold pre-surgical bed. Now I count the days of […]
Today’s my birthday and I feel overwhelmed… by love. From the flowers and candies to the immense amounts of outpourings of support and love, I’ve got few words. I am simply in awe of the kindness bestowed upon me. And I made it! I really had no idea what life would be like by this […]
I am strong. I will master my pain. I will get better. I am strong. I will master my pain. I will get better. I am strong. I will master my pain. I will get better. That’s what I tell myself. Every time the pain gets past the 2/10 level where it normally hovers. I […]
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