I have had a lot of moments in the last few weeks where people somehow think that because I’m contemplative that I’m sad. I do, like any other human, on occasion get sad. If I didn’t, well that would just be weird. Then I’d be a weirdo, and I am for sure not a weirdo. I mean I’m plenty weird, but not in a strange emotionless kind of way. I not a robot. I would have to say however that despite moments of challenge before and after Herbert, I don’t particularly regret my life, I’m not sad about it and with each new challenge I’m set on making it better and better.
For whatever reasons I have made decisions that have led me here, and though in decision making I may not have always considered myself first, I am, by my own account, successful. I enjoy what I do, I feel challenged, I have fun. I think that is another reason people think I’m a bit nutso. People think I need to “lighten up” (for a really hilarious discussion of my dad’s campaign to lighten up send me a message) or “let loose,” I’m plenty loose, trust me. I mean, I watch Downton Abbey and I’m on Ethel’s side. (Oh come on, no Downton Abbey fans??? No? Bueller? Anyone?) I don’t particularly think that I’ve missed out on anything or really I may think that when I’m in the dumps, but what I really want to ask is that in missing out on some experiences, what have I gained? I never let my wild side out completely but I somewhat prefer letting a little wild out when no one is expecting it. I’m keeping y’all on your toes!!!!
I guess the point is, we all live differently and we all get to where we’re going in different ways and I suppose I don’t want to go any one else’s way. Nor do I expect all of you to go my way. I do expect us to be grateful as we realize how lucky we are to walk alongside each other. Anyway, I am grateful. For what? Well, for example I worked out today, first time to crossfit ever and first honest to goodness workout since surgery, and even though I thought I might have a heart attack, I did it and I made it and I will fight through to tomorrow. I’m proud of where I am, not just in my recovery but in general and I don’t regret anything because I’m happy here in this space, learning and growing amongst friends new and old. So, I’m not sad (though I appreciate your concern) and I’ll probably not go over some kind of crazy cliff (metaphorical or otherwise) in order to live a fulfilled life, I mean I already kind of jumped a cliff when I went bunjee jumping, and I jumped a cliff into the unknown when I came back to school and another when I let someone saw my skull open. I’ve jumped plenty of cliffs. Now? I want to peruse what I found when I stopped free falling. I want to see what I got to when I landed! See ya at the bottom of the cliff, the view is different but can still take our breath away.
Peace and love-