I’ve found a trend in my writing about letting go of control, and I suppose I thought that meant being totally fine in the face of whatever shit hit me directly in the face. Taking my face-shit contact with a smile. Ta da! There’s that shining good attitude. What I’m realizing now is the grief, […]
I have been trying to hold on to some kind of a resolve. I’m resolved not to be sad about my tumor. I resolved not to let the tumor run my life, it wouldn’t define me. I was resolved not to ever let my moms chronic back pain get her down. I made her yell, […]
Soooooo, obviously this year has been an odd one when taken in the aggregate of my life. It has perhaps contained the worst of the challenges I’ve had in my life since maybe 2005? Not really sure, I’m not sure that I am dramatic enough to rank things based on negativity. That being said, I’ve […]
When I was recovering in the hospital my boyfriend brought me a sweater, one of his, to hold on to when he couldn’t be there. Recognizing that my family wanted to spend time with me in the hospital and visitor space was limited he bowed out gracefully the first night so that my scared mom […]
I’m not really sure where to go from where I am at anymore. Everyday I still contend with pain, I still deal with the fact that I cannot hear. The ringing almost never stops. I still go to doctors more than I used to. I still tackle disability and ability. I still fight my body […]
I have had a lot of moments in the last few weeks where people somehow think that because I’m contemplative that I’m sad. I do, like any other human, on occasion get sad. If I didn’t, well that would just be weird. Then I’d be a weirdo, and I am for sure not a weirdo. […]
I haven’t posted in a while and I’ll post a real update later but I figured I’d give the quick and dirty for anyone who’s still listening and interested. Since surgery I have had many ups and downs. On the whole I’d say more ups but in general I am uncomfortable with myself in a […]
I started this blog to chronicle a journey that I didn’t understand so that when i am on the other side of it I can look back and remember where I’ve been and then move on. I fear today, just one day past my one month anniversary I have slid backwards in my recovery. It’s […]
Anyone who has kept up with this blog regularly knows that my life is in a perpetual countdown mode. A countdown to surgery, a countdown to recovery, waiting for appointments, counting how many hearing tests, counting how many MRIs, counting stitches, counting inches of the scar, counting hours until my next pain killer dose, counting […]
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